Northfield, IL-In response to growing food prices and sinking profits, Kraft Foods announced today that it will be replacing significant portions of its popular Lunchables line of children's packaged meals with ground up food-grade plastic, paper, and particleboard.
"We are expecting to take a lot of flak for this," Kraft Foods CEO Irene Rosenfeld explained. "But hopefully parents will pay attention to the facts about Krunchables and not the misinformation perpetrated on the public by our competitors. Facts that show the world our commitment to the environment and to producing high-quality food-like substances."
A company press release sent to news agencies across the country in preperation for the launch of Krunchables attempts to address many of these potential concerns, such as the possible ill health effects stemming from the excessive consumption of materials not classically considered food and the risk of environmental damage resulting from the manufacturing process. According to Kraft spokesperson Rick Rollington "You certainly won't find Frito-Lay adding 10% recycled paper to Doritos flavored tortilla chips and there are no double-blind placebo-controlled studies showing that any of these materials are unsafe when used as food extenders."
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