tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39798097013858660862024-03-13T10:57:53.818-05:00Skeptic ShockSkeptic shock is a very serious condition caused by a sudden and rapid increase in the critical evaluation of all available evidence. It can cause multiple belief system failure and significant long-term impairment in superstition, acceptance of pseudoscience, and irrational thinking.Clark Bartramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02244503981356708609noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-77171097753106737102009-01-15T08:46:00.002-06:002009-01-15T08:48:42.820-06:00Skeptcs' Circle #104 Update.....If you stumbled on this blog accidently while looking for info on submissions for the next edition of the Skeptics' Circle, please head on over to <a href="http://spacecityskeptics.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/skeptics-circle-103-i-for-one-welcome-our-new-insect-overlords/">Space City Skeptics</a> for the details.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-62154410148215763322008-11-14T21:30:00.002-06:002008-11-14T21:44:15.753-06:00Taking It to the People.....The following is a rough draft recreation of the extemporaneous introductory statement I gave prior to a wonderful hour of taking questions from the crowd at a recent meeting of a local skeptic society:<br /><br />I had my first real experience with alternative medicine in residency. Sure I had heard of it before, and was even a little skeptical of the completely outlandish stuff like psychic healing and homeopathy, but I accepted a lot of it at face value. When a commercial for chiropractic came on I didn’t think twice about it. These are licensed doctors of the spine after all. And everyone knows that acupuncture has been proven for things like pain and nausea right? But just as I was discovering the skeptical community thanks to an interview by Penn and Teller of someone named James Randi, I met a little girl one night in the pediatric emergency center who couldn’t breathe. <br /><br />This little girl, the daughter of a singer who I happened to be a huge fan of, was in something called status asthmaticus, which is when an acute asthma attack isn’t responding well to the standard treatments like albuterol inhalers and intranasal steroids. Her asthma had been flaring up for about a week prior to the acute worsening and the call for an ambulance to bring her in. During this week she had been receiving care by a chiropractor who did not believe that inhalers and steroids were necessary. Now I can’t say that if she had used standard medical treatment at home, her respiratory failure would have been prevented, but I can say with certainty that chiropractic care did nothing to prevent it. Later in the same week I encountered another young girl with difficulty breathing, this time because of an abscess in her throat that had been growing larger and had begun to block her airway. She had been brought to both a chiropractor and an acupuncturist for complaints of fever, cough and sore throat. Any intern, if not most medical students, would have been able to make the diagnosis based on classic findings but it was missed. The ironic thing is that she might have actually benefited somewhat from having a needle shoved into her if it had been shoved into the pocket of infection so that it might drain and decrease in size. The girl with asthma narrowly avoided being placed on a ventilator, the second girl recovered well after emergency surgery, and I became inspired to seek out as much knowledgeable as possible about quackery in all its forms.<br /><br />These situations are thankfully not that common, but even one child that suffers because of delayed medical care while a parent is seeking out so-called alternative medicine is too many, especially when you consider that in all of these cases there is no chance of a cure. But, like I said, these kind of catastrophic events are not common with kids. Adults are much more likely to make use of alternative therapies and diagnostic modalities when faced with serious medical conditions. And a large number of people of all ages make use of alternative medicine for non-life threatening concerns, especially common signs and symptoms of just getting older like aches and pains, fatigue, decreased memory, etc, etc. So if alternative medicine is so popular, shouldn’t we at least have a decent grasp of what exactly it is? <br /><br />The truth is that there is no such thing as alternative medicine. There is no such thing as western medicine or eastern medicine either, and claims of the existence of such entities as complementary or integrative medicine are grossly exaggerated regardless of what you may see on Oprah. The simple fact of the matter is that there is only medicine. There is medicine that works, medicine that doesn’t, and medicine that hasn’t yet been evaluated for efficacy. Of course, it goes even deeper than this. There is the question of safety as well as efficacy. Some treatments, thalidomide comes to mind, are very effective for one concern but still not safe for use. Thalidomide treated the nausea associated with early pregnancy very well but was found to cause birth defects. <br /><br />The foundation of science-based medicine, the scientific method and subsequent development of such tools as the double-blinded placebo-controlled clinical study, although not perfect, are extremely powerful means of rooting out what works, what doesn’t, what is safe, and what isn’t. The bogus category we know as alternative medicine, or any of the other fictional categories I mentioned before, are marketing terms or terms employed with political intent and came about as a means of helping proponents of quackery to circumvent the process that has led to things like vaccines, antibiotics, or any of a vast array of medical treatments that have significantly increased our life spans and added unprecedented quality to our lives. <br /><br />Within the confines of an all-inclusive category such as alternative medicine are hundreds, if not thousands, of different, often contradictory therapies. Many chiropractors makes claims that the root of poor health is the obstruction of an innate healing force, which travels from the heavens through the spine. Believers in traditional Chinese medicine accept the existence of a mystical healing energy that flows, not through the spine, but along a number of energy pathways throughout the body known as meridians. Homeopaths propose that water remembers the healing essence of substances no longer present in their pills and drops, and naturopaths, who also accept homeopathy, prescribe herbs and supplements with measurable quantities of ingredients in them. Reflexologists look at the bottom of your feet to diagnose and treat medical maladies while iridologists believe that the pathway to discovering what was, is, or will be ailing you is in the flecks of pigment in your iris. All of these systems, and considerably more, fall under the all-inclusive term alternative medicine.Clark Bartramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02244503981356708609noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-17142959182293888412008-11-13T15:42:00.004-06:002008-11-13T16:03:29.650-06:00Legislators Take Sides on Upcoming Conversion to Digital Television.....Washington, D.C.-As the February 17, 2009 full-power broadcast television station conversion from analog to digital rapidly approaches, critics on both sides of the controversy are stepping up advertising campaigns in the hopes of better preparing the American public for either the prophesied thousand years of peace or an apacolyptic future where as much as 60% of television owners will suddenly be without access to their favorite programs.<br /><br />"I just don't think that there are a lot of people out there right now taking this seriously," Democratic Senator Hort Perkins explained. "They are either too distracted by the failing economy or tonight's Latin Grammy Awards to realize what is at stake."<br /><br />Not everyone in Congress is as concerned about the switchover as Senator Perkins, however, with some, like Republican Jenkins Chortworth, disagreeing with portions of proposed legislation geared towards encouraging American citizens to purchase add-on digital tuners. "I find it hard to believe that a few million people losing their television signal will result in widespread panic, riots, and the overthrow of the American government. That being said, while I disagree with government handouts for consumers unable to afford the new equipment, a few months of martial law would probably do the country good."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-10647001802090355562008-11-11T22:18:00.002-06:002008-11-11T22:36:59.502-06:00New Legislation Protects California Citizens from Same-Sex Marriage.....Sacramento, CA-Thanks to the 5,769,939 citizens of California that voted for Proposition 8 on November 4th, the beleaguered heterosexual majority in "The Golden State" can now rest easy, their fear of persecution by the state's homosexual minority, or of their children being brainwashed into tolerance of homosexuals, put to rest.<br /><br />"I think that this is a victory for all Americans," Sacramento Msgr. Mathew J. Kavandish, pastor of St. Piscapo Parish, explained. "This will forever serve as a source of hope for any large groups of people whose basic human rights have been denied by the desire of a much smaller group of people to share in those same rights."<br /><br />Some Proposition 8 proponents, like Mormom Priest Marcelle Wittmire, are worried that supporters of same-sex marriage might think that a religiously motivated vendetta against homosexuals is involved. "I have nothing against the gays. It's just that I have yet to meet one that isn't a wicked and hellbound wretch bent on dragging down those around them into the Satan's dominion."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-48035825427798020772008-11-09T21:00:00.006-06:002008-11-09T22:54:53.433-06:00Breaking Down the WHO Pro-Alternative Medicine Agenda.....The World Health Organization (WHO) concluded a weekend <a href="http://www.who.int/medicines/areas/traditional/congress/en/index.html">conference on irregular medicine</a> today, although technically they use the terminology "traditional medicine" to specify systems of medicine that, according to the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM), "involve complete systems of theory and practice that have evolved independently from or parallel to allopathic (conventional) medicine." Irregular medical systems such as traditional Chinese medicine, or India's Ayurvedic medicine are examples that fit this rather unhelpful and unwieldy mold. These systems came about as a result of a steady stream over many years of the uncontrolled anecdotal experience of human beings prone to magical thinking and unencumbered by the scientific method followed by many more years of a religious devotion in the face of mounting contrary evidence.<br /><br />The WHO is no stranger to making unfounded conclusions regarding so-called alternative medicine, an essentially meaningless marketing term that is highly politicized and unfairly allows a large number of modalities utterly lacking in legitimate scientific support to ride the coattails of a few high-profile but equally unfounded therapies. In a <a href="http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs134/en/index.html">May 2003</a> for instance, the WHO claimed that,<br /><br /><blockquote>"Acupuncture has been proven effective in relieving postoperative pain, nausea during pregnancy, nausea and vomiting resulting from chemotherapy, and dental pain with extremely low side effects. It can also alleviate anxiety, panic disorders and insomnia."</blockquote>This is true only if the <a href="http://www.theness.com/neurologicablog/?p=362">lack of plausibility and the totality of the medical literature on acupuncture </a>is ignored, and only cherry-picked poorly conceived, or small and unconvincing, studies are used to support such claims. The information on traditional medicine provided by the WHO is full of equally unfounded and misleading statements.<br /><br />A <a href="http://africa.reuters.com/wire/news/usnPEK36045.html">Reuters report</a> on the aforementioned conference reveals just how uncritically the WHO is approaching the subject of traditional medicine. According to the article, the conference, which was attended by representatives from 70+ countries, was an opportunity for brainstorming on how to achieve a wider distribution of traditional medical systems, and how to better combine them with conventional medicine so that both systems benefit. This is, of course, pure and total hogwash. Alternative medical modalities add nothing to conventional medicine.<br /><br />One WHO official is quoted as saying that"Integration of traditional medicine into national health systems will not only bring benefits to patients, but will also ensure safety and proper use." This sounds reasonable but never pans out. Putting the weight of the WHO behind treatments that are not based on good science, and which often call for the bending of fundamental laws of reality, benefits nobody but those who sell such treatments. And one need look no further than the efforts of the NCCAM to realize that calls for increased research in order to determing what is safe and what works is an expensive waste of time. Proponents of alternative medicine don't care about research unless it supports their belief system.<br /><br />The author writes that WHO director-general Margaret Chan called traditional medicine "a valuable source of leads for therapeutic advances and the discovery of new classes of drugs." It's true that modern medicine owes much to substances derived from the natural world, but this is a classic bait and switch. The fact that some ingested plants have measurable effects on human physiology that can be harnassed for our benefit in no way supports the silly pre-scientific notions behind most of these traditional systems of healing. There are already <a href="http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?p=250">rational scientists looking into natural medicines </a>and we don't need the wholesale acceptance of a seemingly unbounded entity such as alternative medicine to encourage more to enter the field.<br /><br />The article further reveals that,<br /><blockquote>"Traditional medicine is used throughout China and in other developing countries, even with access to Western-style health care growing. Leech therapy is used in parts of India to treat pain and skin diseases, and hospitals in China often offer both Western treatment and traditional cures like acupuncture or herbal antidotes." </blockquote>This is merely the WHO applying the illogical argument that popularity serves as valid proof of efficacy. It doesn't or else we would still be bleeding folks to relieve their excess blood or purging impurities from our patient's bodies with oral mercurous chloride. But pandering to the masses is the name of the game these days, as evidenced by the growing number of alternative medicine departments in academic medical centers across the United States.<br /><br />The WHO isn't all bad, not by a long shot. They provide a valuable service and add much to international efforts to end suffering and save lives. But they leave a lot to be desired when it comes to rationally evaluating the place of alternative medicine in global healthcare. The position they are taking runs the risk of adding suffering to the world but emphasizing therapies that have failed to meet the standards of science-based medicine in a number of areas by placing far too much importance on popularity and anecdotal evidence.Clark Bartramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02244503981356708609noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-10315250850315069862008-11-03T21:08:00.001-06:002008-11-03T21:08:25.492-06:00Failing Galaxy Economy Causing Increase in Alien Adductions.....Zignar 7, Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy-As the number of planets feeling the effects of the ongoing economic downturn grow on a almost krebly basis, ruling Overlord of the Supreme Galactic Senate Zorg XIII has begun pressuring member civilizations to bring human adduction plans up to full speed earlier than the planned Smarch deadline.<br /><br />"We have reached a point where the luxury of human medical research subjects, acid mine laborers, and game for recreational hunting has become a financial liability that we just can't afford," Commerce Droid BX-419 explained. "To feed, clothe, and sterilize a single human for just one flort cycle costs nearly two remlangs, which is significantly less than the total expenditure of transporting them all back where they came from."<br /><br /><p>The failing galactic economy has been traced to the financial policies of Overlord Zorg XII, known by his billions of subjects as both the Bringer of Eternal Peace and World Eater. "Geez, I invest the royal treasury in one Emu farm and these guys are calling for my borgle on a plate!"</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-61369267803550493972008-10-30T21:34:00.002-05:002008-10-30T23:08:44.265-05:00Nutrition Experts Warn Parents About Halloween Candy Dangers.....Columbus, OH-Experts from the Columbus Naturopathy Center are warning parents of the dangers that may be waiting for their children on Halloween night, dangers like high-fructose corn syrup, refined carbohydrates, trans fat, and triglycerides just to name a few.<br /><br />"We want parents to understand just what risks their children will be facing," Tab Smiley, head nutritioneer for the center, explained. "All of these common ingredients in Halloween candy are linked to such conditions as childhood obesity, coronary artery disease, diabetes, yeast overgrowth syndrome, and multiple chemical sensitivity."<br /><br />Smiley recommends that parents go through their childrens' candy prior to consumption in order to prevent any dangerous nutritional imbalances. The Columbus Naturopathy Center is even offering to perform standard naturopathic laboratory testing, including saliva yeast testing, hair heavy metal assays, and live blood analysis, to look for any conditions which might put a child at increased risk. "We are also recommending a nationwide strategy where children exposed to these killer candies can be brought to their local naturopathic practitioner for acute toxin cleansing for the two days after Halloween. Unfortunately we expect that despite our best efforts the number of casualties will likely be in the millions if not more."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-5492021609573260772008-10-28T23:00:00.001-05:002008-10-28T23:30:09.138-05:00McCain to Appoint Crazy Larry as Treasury Secretary.....Johnstown, PA-During an appearance in Johnstown today, Republican presidential candidate John McCain announced that if elected next Tuesday he plans to appoint Crazy Larry, of Crazy Larry's Mattress Emporium in Poughkeepsie, as Treasury Secretary.<br /><br />"Our nation's economy, despite strong fundamentals, is in the kind of trouble that will only respond to decisive and wacky action," McCain explained. "Crazy Larry, now this is a man, my friends, who is literally insane for low, low prices and he will bring that pathologically overwhelming need to save you money to Washington."<br /><br />Crazy Larry, in addition to having a lengthy track record of setting prices so low that he should be committed, is a religious conservative that supports the war in Iraq and opposes federal funding of stem cell research.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-42300051187893497132008-10-26T15:40:00.003-05:002008-10-26T16:21:53.552-05:00McCain Dismisses Poll Numbers, Insists Kids Get Off Lawn.....Phoenix, AZ-Republican presidential candidate John McCain, lagging behind Democrat Barack Obama in the polls and looking to close the gap, argued Sunday that those pesky kids should stay off of his lawn.<br /><br />"I'm sick and tired of those no good kids and their rock and roll music always walking across my lawn," the 72-year-old McCain explained from his front porch while whittling a duck head into the end of old pine walking cane. "And if I catch 'em here again I'm gonna sick my dog on 'em!"<br /><br />McCain had declared earlier on Sunday during an interview on NBC's "Meet the Press" that he would not hesitate to keep any balls, gameboys, or walkmans that found their way onto his property.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-181692187623254922008-10-24T15:00:00.001-05:002008-10-24T15:45:13.151-05:00Cosmeceutical Industry Running Out of Ingredients.....Phoenix, AZ-Cosmeceutical researchers at the prestigious University of Phoenix announced today that if current trends of worsening global warming continue, the world may be depleted of novel ingredients for use in anti-aging creams, facial moisturizers, hair conditioners, nail rejuvinators, holistic bioprotectors and topically applied body cleansors by the year 2010.<br /><br />"This is something that the entire cosmeceutical industry needs to be very concerned about," lead researcher Dr. Robert Bibble MD, ND, DAOM, RD, who is both a certified herbal psychologist and a certified naturopathic midwife, explained. "As it is we are pretty much down to just yak urine and pigeon droppings. It isn't ideal."<br /><br />But while Dr. Bibble is calling for industry-wide regulations on the number of new ingredients allowed per product, some experts aren't buying into his doomsday scenario of a world where cosmetic products contain only active ingredients with legitimate evidence for their safety and efficacy. Clinical cosmetician and director of Body Essentials Day Spa in Sedona, AZ isn't concerned at all. "We are pioneering the field of nano-cosmeceuticals, which are are formulated with proprietary, state-of-the-art, nano-technologies such as dynamic intra-dermal nano-vehicles. Our nano-cosmeceuticals implement innovation in nano-formulation of previously exploited botanicals and natural active ingredients. We'll be able to milk this stuff for decades."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-70282240465521024092008-10-22T10:00:00.000-05:002008-10-22T10:06:31.792-05:00Make-A-Wish Foundation® Recipient Learns Valuable Lesson in Hydrostatics.....Phoenix, AZ-Classmates of 7-year-old Phoenix native Timmy Waddleton, who suffered from a rare and untreatable allergy to oxygen, learned a valuable lesson in hydrostatics today when the Make-A-Wish Foundation® recipient drowned in a swimming pool filled with chocolate flavored Jell-O instant pudding.<br /><br />"This is a wonderful example of the excitment that can come from using real world applications of scientific principles as part of the educational process for young students," Jim Hope, principal of New Frontiers Elementary School, explained. "It's a shame about Timmy though. He was a good kid if not a strong swimmer."<br /><br />The Make-A-Wish Foundation®, which has been been granting wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions since 1980, is no stranger to wish related fatalities according to Make-A-Wish National Board and Executive Committee chair Robert J. Bigler. "This one kid wanted a pet lion. It didn't go well but we came away from the experience with a deeper understanding of the predator-prey relationship so, you know, there's always a silver lining."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-45969859904948096302008-10-21T11:32:00.006-05:002008-10-21T12:35:40.066-05:00Stuff Believers Like #9: Arguments from Ignorance.....Yet another <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081020/wl_sthasia_afp/nepaljapanwildlifeyetioffbeat">report</a> on possible proof of the existence of Bigfoot, the cryptozoological equivalent of cold fusion, has emerged out of Japan. This time the proposed evidence comes from a Japanese team of explorers who had spent 42 days on a region of the Himalayas where, according to the Yeti Project Japan leader, one of the mysterious beasts had been seen before by him, from 650 feet away. They were unable on this, their third attempt, to obtain video footage of Bigfoot however they did return with <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Dhaulagiri-October-20-Nepal/photo//081020/photos_wl_sa_afp/a5fbe795d4d369b3c89323a5f8ab085b//s:/afp/20081020/wl_sthasia_afp/nepaljapanwildlifeyetioffbeat;_ylt=A0LEaoXBCf5ISzQBszbuOrgF">photographs</a> of footprints.<br /><br />The team feels that despite having failed in their primary mission to record images of the Yeti in action, the footprints are all the proof they need. The footprints in question, of which only one image is provided alongside the article by the AFP, is yet another case of Bigfoot is in the eye of the believer. To me, an admitted amateur print analyzer, it looks only vaguely footprint like and could easily be explained by simple random noise of melting snow being misinterpreted by a group of people biased by their belief system. It hardly serves as extraordinary evidence.<br /><br />The logical fallacy which seems to be at the root of the team's announcement is an argument from ignorance, or in the form I prefer, an argument by lack of imagination. The team leader explains, in reference to the proposed Yet prints, "Myself and other team members have been coming to the Himalayas for years and we can recognise bear, deer, wolf and snow leopard prints and it was none of those,". He adds that "We remain convinced it is real. The footprints and the stories the local tell make us sure that it is not imaginary,". Because the team cannot imagine that the prints could come from an animal that they know to roam the region where the print was found, they believe that by default it must have been left by a Yeti. That simply doesn't cut it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-53466649375320038812008-10-18T16:44:00.004-05:002008-10-18T18:38:44.127-05:00Halloween MMVIII: The Return of Fluff Journalism.....Halloween is right around the corner and lazy journalists everywhere are starting to take their cuts at the hanging curveballs amply served up by the realm of the supernatural. The laughable "Supernatural Science" section of <a href="http://science.howstuffworks.com/supernatural-science-channel.htm">Howstuffworks.com</a> provides a perfect example of the kind of pseudojournalism that is becoming increasingly common these days in an article by staff writer and University of Georgia journalism degree holder Cristen Conger on the <a href="http://science.howstuffworks.com/5-real-haunted-houses.htm"><em>Top 5 Real-Life Haunted Houses</em></a><em>. </em>The article follows the common pattern of fluff science reporting to a tee with its lack of actual investigative journalism and appeal to superstition.<br /><br />In it, Conger reveals that "­Some people might be hesitant to admit that they believe in ghosts. But if you've ever heard a chilling bump in the night when you're home alone, ghosts might not be such a leap of faith." Apparantly Conger subscribes to the notion that there are no unbelievers when things get spooky. A similiar sentiment, assumed to be an unassailable fact of life by a substantial percentage of Americans, that there are no atheists in foxholes, is equally patently false. Far from being the exception to the rule (ever heard of <a href="http://www.joenickell.com/">Joe Nickell</a>?), I don't break a sweat when confronted with eerie noises or unexplained visual phenomena.<br /><br />Conger, while researching the subject of ghosts and hauntings, doesn't seem to have broken a sweat either, likely having simply clicked on the first few links provided by Google. These are almost always void of any skeptical input. But Conger isn't alone in taking such a credulous approach to reporting on ghouls and goblins. Not thinking critically and asking important questions, like are their legitimate contrary opinions on what I'm writing about (or in this case is their near total agreement by the scientific community that what I'm writing about is hokum), is the hallmark of pseudojournalism. Conger actually does list his sources, which consist of just a few unskeptical compendiums of popular haunted dwellings, at the end of the piece.<br /><br />Conger cites the Association for the <a href="http://www.assap.org/index.html">Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena </a>(ASSAP) in the piece, failing to mention that this organization merely uses "science" as a thin facade while it employs a wide range of unproven investigational methods. They make a concerted effort to seperate themselves from other paranormal investigators by pointing out how flawed their research is and how challenging it is to do a proper scientific investigation of ghosts and other entities which according to true skeptics are lacking in both plausibility and legitimate evidence to support their existence. But their approach is far from unique with its blatant use of pseudoscience.<br /><br />On their website, they point out that the many instruments used in the ghost hunting trade are not always reliable yet they still rely on them to snooker folks who may not know that the all the digital readings of room temperature and electromagnetic fields, and electronic voice phenomena, are examples of the misuse of scientific equipment and paredolia. Members of ASSAP fall into the same trap of circular logic that every ghost hunter eventually does. They use instruments to aid in differentiating true hauntings from frauds, hallucinations and misperceptions, while citing true hauntings as the means of establishing what meaningful anomalous instrument readings are. The entire endeavor is a house of cards built on a shaky foundation of anecdotes and buttressed by meaningless bells and whistles.<br /><br />Conger addresses readers who may be concerned that their own home has been invaded by spirits and spectres and reveals a list of things to pay attention to provided by the science-based ASSAP. Accordig to these experts, you are at risk of being haunted if you "see apparitions, hear weird sounds, smell odd odors, feel "cold spots" within a room, notice objects that have been moved or observe your pet acting agitated." Having a toddler and a newborn in my house, I can personally attest to having experienced several of these warning signs recently but Conger and ASSAP can keep their digital video cameras and infrared thermometers to themselves. I'll stick to reality and base any concerns on properly performed studies. It's a heck of a lot more interesting, and considerably less likely to waste my time and energy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-41392281352268552662008-10-18T15:02:00.004-05:002008-10-18T16:42:06.187-05:00New Study Links Kids These Days to Economic Crisis.....West Palm Beach, FL-During a press conference held today in the Rumba Room at the Century Village retirement community entertainment pavillion, researchers from Palm Beach Community College's Center for Geriatric Studies concluded that the current economic downturn is a result of kids these days.<br /><br />"Damn kids these days with their walk mans and their video cassettes," 82-year-old crotchety physician and lead researcher Mort Fishman explained. "Maybe if they spent a little less time lollygagging and a little more time putting in a hard day's work we wouldn't be in this mess. And a haircut wouldn't hurt neither!"<br /><br />The study, which will be published in the peer-reviewed Annals of Applied Cantankery this Tuesday, is already stirring up controversy amongst senior scientists like Everglades University Department of General Surliness chair Maynard Gribble. "I think this study, which is flawed in a number of ways, fails to take into consideration the reams of data pointing towards the popularity of all music made after 1944 as the source of today's financial difficulties."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-54716781803769610362008-10-14T17:30:00.001-05:002008-10-14T17:35:53.546-05:00From the Heartland: Life Lessons from a Small Town Mayor.....<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">The Old Woman's Tale</span></strong><br /><em>by Spooner Jenkins</em><br /><br />I decided to take the opportunity of the few days off made necessary by the need to clear the Mayor's office of badger carcasses to do some hard thinking about the current state of affairs. This country is a mess. Just yesterday Agnes and I sat on the front porch for our lunch. It was 55 degrees here in Belvidere, 2006 Top American City and home to 98 of the nicest folk in all of Southern Nebraska, as we watched some local kids rolling doobies and discussed global warming. Now I typically don't approve of drug use because it doesn't support the American farmer but they said they grew it themselves. It sure was cool out. Chilly even. Take that NASA and The Weather Channel!<br /><br />These days kids don't have any purpose. Not in Belvidere though. There's nothing like the fear of being torn to ribbons by a roving band of mutant opposable thumbed turkeys to set a boy straight. Other than widespread indoctrination against people different from them perhaps. But then again that also just boils down to fear. Fear is good. Fear is the chum that provides sustenance for our insatiable desire to control our environment, whether it is what people should be allowed to believe, or not to believe; what we do behind closed doors, and who we do it with; or who is allowed to reap the bountiful harvest that democracy and George W. Bush have provided us.<br /><br />We ended our evening talk, and finished up our roast beef and spiced rum turnips. I took one long pause to take the beauty of this fair city in. There were no homicidal turkeys or irregular sheep in sight, and the incessant din of the last of the Autumn weevils as they devoured the few remaining shreds of plant life was a cacophony of delight. A small latino boy ate ice cream next to a rusty old jungle gym, and an old man licked mustard from the corner of his mouth before heading back towards the bus station located just down the street from our house.<br /><br />There is just one bus that services the town of Belvidere and it's never late. Some of the folks around town say it is haunted but rarely do they agree on just who or what the ghostly spectre is that walks up and down the path between the seats, always stopping at the thick white line placed just prior to the driver's seat. I've always had a thing for ghost stories and I suddenly decided that it was time to see for myself if this one was true.<br /><br />The bus pulled up at a quarter past one and unloaded a motley assortment of passengers. A thin boy of about 7 or 8 jumped off the bus from the top step, biting his lower lip as he landed. He screamed in a mix of suprise and pain. I couldn't help but laugh at him and I immediately felt ashamed for doing so. A woman older than me by many years, maybe in her 90's, was helped off by two young men in baseball uniforms. One had a limp and a streak of blood trailing down his pants which originated at a large tear in the fabric just above his right knee.<br /><br />"Did you at least win the game son?", I asked.<br /><br />"What game?", the boy muttered as he ran off, the elderly woman now safely sitting on a nearby bench.<br /><br />A few more folks, one of which was obviously drunk, exited the bus and headed their own seperate ways. Perhaps to their home or a local pub. I can't say for sure. Finally a beautiful young woman in a Dairy Queen uniform stepped down onto the curb from the lower step. I thought of Agnes immediately. Not because Agnes was a very a beautiful woman mind you, or young, but because the eyes were the same and the fact that Agnes had always dreamed of opening a Dairy Queen. A young man, equally attractive but missing an ear, ran up as if to embrace her. She pushed his arms down and looked nervously around. I couldn't make out the exact words as they walked towards Grimp's Hotel, but I know the look of an angry woman when I see one.<br /><br />As the crowd dispersed I noticed the old woman again, still sitting quietly on her bench. After placing the remains of my lunch in a large metal bin I joined her.<br /><br />"How's turnips?", I asked. "How's Turnips" being a common greeting in Southern Nebraska. Historians and etymologists have argued over the origin of the phrase with estimates ranging from the early 18th century to June of 2007.<br /><br />"Turnips up, turnips down.", she replied as is the custom.<br /><br />"More up than down I hope.", I said with a hearty laugh. She smiled, taking out a cigarette from her plain brown leather purse.<br /><br />"Oh I don't smoke 'em so put your eyes back in your head holes!", the woman spat before placing a single unfiltered Pall Mall in her mouth. She began to chew vigorously.<br /><br />"So what do you know about that bus? She really haunted?" I inquired.<br /><br />"Yes. That bus is haunted. I'll tell you about it if you got the time. You got the time young fella?"<br /><br />I nodded my consent.<br /><br />"Cigarette young man?", the old woman asked through her tobacco spittle moistened lips.<br /><br />The thought of making a meal out of her offering of a bent Pall Mall made my stomach turn but I was intrigued at her offer to relate the tale of the town's haunted mass transit vehicle and I didn't want to offend her simple country sensibilities. I fought back a vigorous gag as I placed the cigarette in my mouth and began to chew. My entire body recoiled from the experience and I gave in to the overwhelming urge to vomit.<br /><br />"Don't worry, happens to everyone their first time son. It'll pass.", she explained as she placed a wrinkled and swollen jointed hand on my shoulder.<br /><br />"Why.....would you.......do......that!", I exclaimed, each burst of speech quickly interrupted by waves of nausea and belly cramps.<br /><br />"Why does the snake shed its skin? Why do bees make honey? Why do my canned beats grow fur if I let 'em set too long with the top off the jar?", she cackled, revealing her one shiny brown tooth.<br /><br />She must have noticed the shift of my gaze from the ground to her isolated incisor because her smile widened with pride as she exclaimed, "That's my eatin tooth!" I couldn't help but chuckle at her lust for the experiences life provides. I wondered if I would find such joy in the years to come. My newfound vigor began to subside as I pondered my old age.<br /><br />I believe that she sensed the drop in my spirits. Perhaps to cheer me up she began to spin the tale of Fairbury's haunted bus. Time stopped for us as she told her story, breaking every once in a while to place a fresh Pall Mall into her mouth. Once she paused for several seconds, seeming not to breath. I thought that perhaps this was in order so that she might remember her place in the telling but I worried that she might have died. She smiled and reassured me that she had only needed a moment to let some demons out the back door.<br /><br />The old woman was 11 when the Fairbury bus first began to make its run in 1927. It was much shinier back then, and had a good deal more vim as it carried passengers around town. The townfolk appreciated it for its cleanliness and for its convenience, and it was packed from sun up to sun down. That was until the first death.<br /><br />By the time that the Fairbury bus had completed its first six months, nine people had died in or under it. Their deaths were sensless and unexplainable tragedies:<br /><br />1. Tank Ragland Sr. was crushed to death by the hood while investigating a strange noise seemingly coming from the engine. A thorough investigation by the town mechanic found no reason for the prop to have given way. Tank was an experienced mechanic himself and would have certainly engaged it.<br /><br />2. Steve Delacroix was decapitated by the bus while waiting to cross a city street. The right side panel stop sign activated as the bus drove by, catching Steve's head at 50 miles per hour. It rolled down to McTaggart's Ice Cream Parlor and settled in some nearby bushes. According to bus driver Dell Watts there is absolutely no explanation for how the sign extended as it required several turns of a crank which only the driver has access to.<br /><br />3. Fergie Nixon was crushed to death by the bus as she attempted to retrieve a quarter that had rolled beneath it. The engine has been turned off and driver Dell Watts was on break taking a nap in one of the seats. He claims that the bus lurched forward and then backward several times before settling. The parking break was engaged.<br /><br />4. Meacus Banner, town mechanic, died of carbon monoxide poisoning while taking a nap inside the bus which was parked inside his closed garage. An experienced mechanic such as Meacus would not have slept inside an idling vehicle parked in a closed garage.<br /><br />5. Dirk Harris, City Comptroller, was killed while crossing a city street. Driver Dell Watts was unable to stop the bus. A thorough investigation found no defect in the break line or other reason for why the bus not only couldn't be stopped but also continued to accelerate into Comptroller Harris.<br /><br />6, 7, 8, 9. Siblings Susan, Rod, Siggy, and Lewis Latimer, known around town as the Latimer Bunch, died while taking the bus to a rehearsal for an upcoming church play. Driver Dell Watts became worried when he no longer heard their voices and found their lifeless bodies when he stopped the bus to check on the children. Medical professionals were unable to discover a cause of death.<br /><br />After the death of the Latimer Bunch, the town bus was decomissioned but once again called into service during World War Two when the replacement bus was confiscated by the army and made into artillery shells. By this time many had forgotten, or refused to remember, the grissly deaths involving the old bus and to this day no further unexplained tragedies have occured.<br /><br />Many townspeople claim to feel a ghostly presence while riding on the bus. There are many reports of unexplained screams, temperature changes, and even the occasional sighting of shadowy figures either within or near the bus at night. But the many years that have passed since those tragic events in 1927 have led most folks to deny that they ever really existed. Now the bus has become a tourist attraction and a source of only mild interest to the citizens of Fairbury.<br /><br />The old woman finished her story, and her last Pall Mall, just as the sun was beginning to disappear behind the horizon.<br /><br />"Well that's my last cigarette, and that is my story young man. I only ask that you take to heart the events that befell this town. I'm the only one left who was there and who experienced the terror. And I'm not long for this world. Sometimes I feel as if the world has left me behind already. Not everything in life has a reason or an explanation. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And nobody wants to be forgotten."<br /><br />With that I left the old woman on her bench and headed back towards my car. A few minutes later I realized that I had forgotten to ask her name. I returned to the bench, the bus about which we had spent the better part of seven hours discussing having returned, only to find her perch empty. The driver, whose last name was Watts according to the cursive stitching on the left breast pocket of his uniform, was leaning against the side of the vehicle. The glow of his cigarette stood out in the failing light of the evening.<br /><br />I inquired about the old woman but was met only with a blank stare.<br /><br />"I saw you sittin on that bench as I pulled up and you weren't talkin to no old woman. I think you been out in the sun to long today pops.", he shared.<br /><br />I wished him a good evening and headed back towards my car. It was late and I was starving. I lamented the fact that Agnes would be again be staying overnight in Strang to attend a pupil's piano recital. It is remarkable how many young boys and girls are interested in piano lessons in Strang, and how many recitals they have in that strange town. Before my thoughts could begin to wander, I heard a man's voice calling after me.<br /><br />"Sir! Wait up!", the young bus driver shouted.<br /><br />He approached, out of breath and sweating profusely.<br /><br />"It was Susan....Susan Latimer. I found this on the bench and I just couldn't help myself so I read it. I must have just missed her or something I guess. I don't recognize the name anyhow and I pretty much know everybody 'round this shitsplat town. Here, take it."<br /><br />He handed me a small folded piece of paper and ran back to his idling bus. I lifted up one half of the note and quickly read the brief message.<br /><br />"Nobody wants to be forgotten.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Susan Latimer"<br /><br />That night, as I struggled to find sleep, I thought of something the old woman told me. Not everything in life has a reason or an explanation. I thought long and hard about that and promised to myself that I wouldn't forget.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-78252416539014784332008-10-13T22:34:00.004-05:002008-10-13T23:17:59.057-05:00National Chain Offers Delicious New Recipe For Banking Success.....Seattle, WA- As the current economic crisis continues to claim large investment banks as victims, consumer relief is on the way in the form of the revamped chain of familiar mall-based eateries Cinnabon, which will combine deposit and loan oriented commercial banking with delicious baked goods.<br /><br />"We are excited about the road this company is taking," Focus Brands Inc. CEO Steve Romaniello explained. "The average American is sick and tired of both the complexities of the current banking environment and the its lack of oversized cinnamon flavored pastries."<br /><br />With hundreds of locations in malls, airports, theme parks, and military bases across the country, Romaniello believes that Cinnabanks will make an immediate impact on financial markets. "Our Cinnabon Classic cinnamon roll, combined with the convenient locations of our existing infrastructure and minimal banking fees, is just the kind of comfort food that our failing economy needs to bolster investment confidence and restore stability on Wall Street. Plus every new checking account comes with a free 9-pack of Minibons and a MochaLatta Chill."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-21311845146718157672008-10-08T17:29:00.006-05:002008-10-08T19:24:10.999-05:00Remeber When: The Presidential Debates.....by Maynard Dudley<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SO0_sY97REI/AAAAAAAAAFk/JrK9PZyjx18/s1600-h/grumpyman.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254926372060218434" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SO0_sY97REI/AAAAAAAAAFk/JrK9PZyjx18/s400/grumpyman.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Remember when presidential debates used to mean something? I do. I remember watching Warren Harding walk right over to Ohio Governor James M. Cox in 1920 and punch him in the groin. Those were the good old days I guess, before rebuttal time limits and strict no-nudity policies. When Herbert Hoover proudly waved his genitals in the face of Democratic candidate Alfred E. Smith and his call for the repeal of the Volstead Act, we knew that America truly was the home of the free. At least it was that day back in 1928, the last year during which any decent music was made.<br /><br />These days people already have their minds made up. They just listen to what their candidate says and they ignore what the other might say against it. They don't remember the way it used to be, when the audience at presidential debates were allowed to join in, be it to ask an insightful question, point out a candidate's hypocrisy, or just to shoot at their feet to make them dance in fear. Now we just sit back and wait to be told what to think by the mainstream media and their talking heads.<br /><br />Now I'm not saying that the long tradition of presidential canditates coming together to discuss important topics, like the economy or whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to visit other homosexuals in hospitals, is completely useless. I just don't think that the current methods allow for the American people to gain a full grasp of each candidate's platform so that they might make a truly informed decision come November 4th. And just a few simple adjustments, like loosening restrictions on taser usage during closing statements, would help reverse the trend of these debates toward obsolescence.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-85526061466617880392008-10-07T10:45:00.000-05:002008-10-07T10:59:22.757-05:00Point/Counterpoint: Economic Armageddon.....Point<br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">It's Time to Pull Out Your Money Folks</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong><br />By Willingsby Chesterfield III<br />Chief Financial Officer of Unlock Your Car, Inc<br />Laguna, CA<br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SOUx3qPrqxI/AAAAAAAAAFU/3_WaexJeC2E/s1600-h/Willingsby+Chesterfield+III.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5252659372700183314" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SOUx3qPrqxI/AAAAAAAAAFU/3_WaexJeC2E/s400/Willingsby+Chesterfield+III.jpg" border="0" /></a>Despite what the many naive and confused optimists in the media, and on Capital Hill, want you to believe, the stock market is going down in flames and threatening to bring the entire American economy down with it. Yes sir, it is time to call it quits in my humble opinion.<br /><br />Now you know I like to call 'em like I see 'em, and if you ask old Willingsby for his two cents, well you just might hear about the only straight talk going around these days. Old Willingsby says it is high time to abandon this sinking ship, you know the one with too many holes in the hull and nowhere near enough buckets to bail it out of complete and total economic destruction. It's bad out there folks, it's real bad. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome bad.<br /><br />So what does this all mean for John. Q. Public? Well listen up if you want to avoid being reduced to huddling around a pig feces powered generator for warmth at night and battling for food and reproduction rights in gladiatorial to-the-death combat during the day. Head over to the nearest branch of your banking institution right this minute and get your hands on as much cash as you can. The time for worrying about 401Ks and 403Bs is past, and the time to hoard anything of monetary value is upon us. Find some land in the middle of nowhere, bury it all, and pray that you somehow survive the coming apocalypse.<br /><br />Counterpoint<br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Looks Who's Laughing Now</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong><br />By Chet Jenkins<br />Laughing Meadow Alpaca Farm<br />Stephenville, TX<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SOU9jBEnqvI/AAAAAAAAAFc/cQh5UqZ49gU/s1600-h/alpacafarmer.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5252672212190079730" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 129px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 165px" height="225" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qqJ8Zm281pw/SOU9jBEnqvI/AAAAAAAAAFc/cQh5UqZ49gU/s400/alpacafarmer.jpg" width="181" border="0" /></a> For years people have scorned alpaca farming. They have called it a scam, a pipe dream for gullible folks looking to make easy money. Many so-called experts have likened alpaca farming to a multi-level marketing scheme or have blamed the alpaca for many of society's problems, ranging from the obesity epidemic to teen pregnancy. Well America, who is laughing now? Me, and the gentle alpaca.<br /><br />As the economy continues crumbling before our eyes, people are going to realize that the loving and docile alpaca, a cousin of the llama prized for its luxurious fleece by a small cottage industry of artisans in some countries, is a sound investment for the future. For as little as $40,000, you can hitch a ride on the alpaca express, which is pulled by alpacas in a figurative sense secondary to a bone structure which does not allow them to serve any useful purpose in that regard, but you get what I mean. It's all about the alpacas, God bless 'em!<br /><br />But with alpacas, it isn't just about huge profits. And by profits, I am taking into account the subjectively assigned monetary value of the love you will feel for these majestic creatures. More alpacas equals more love, and that is the kind of security that will keep you feeling secure despite what might or might not be imploding on Wall Street. So call me today at Laughing Meadow Alpaca Farm in Stephenville. If you act now, you can buy all of my alpacas.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-78223563849848946102008-09-29T19:00:00.001-05:002008-09-29T19:26:24.416-05:00Area Customer Service Representative Not Interested in Call.....Alamogordo, NM-When waiter Art Thriftwhistle called the customer service line for the Alamogordo Daily Inquisitor last week to complain about not having received his copy of the Sunday paper, he expected that his phone call would be considered important. But what Thriftwhistle soon discovered would rock the sleepy New Mexico town to its core and may bring down the local media goliath.<br /><br />"The customer service lady was totally not interested in my phone call," Thriftwhistle explained. "She put me on hold three times, and when she finally talked to me all she did was try to convince me to subscribe to the full week of papers, as if her only goal was to get more money out of me. I just want the Sunday paper. Don't you understand, I just want the Sunday paper!"<br /><br />Thriftwhistle is calling for a boycott of the town paper until improvements in customer service are made. "I'd like to know that my call is important to them, is that so wrong? How about having a recording tell me that in a pleasant female voice while I'm on hold? But not just once either. I'd like to be reminded every twenty to thirty seconds. Also, I'd like to have the conversation recorded so that future customer service represenatives might benefit from it as a learning tool."<br /><br />But company leadership doesn't appear to be concerned. "Frankly I just don't see what the fuss is all about," Daily Inquisitor owner Maynard Hearst explained. "So what if we don't think your call is important? I didn't get to be where I am, running a newspaper in a town of over thirty-five thousand people for nearly eight decades, worrying about customer service."<br /><br />Hearst, who will turn 97-years-old this month, has lived through a number of minor skirmishes with the readership over the years. "Oooh, what are they going to do? The internet? Let's see them just try and get their news, sports and weather all from the internet. They won't last a week and neither will this internet, whatever that is. It's some kind of telegraph service right?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-49235213853151910582008-09-26T08:00:00.001-05:002008-09-26T08:00:00.665-05:00Does Local News Coverage of Health and Science Do More Harm Than Good?.....Tonight I stumbled across yet another unhelpful local news piece on the manufactroversy of the already thoroughly disproven link between <a href="http://www.nbcactionnews.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=1512f52d-fcee-4bbe-9147-4bfaf3364bcb">childhood immunizations and autism</a>. As expected, it followed beautifully the standard media outline for these types of reports, including the ubiquitous heart-wrenching anecdote of a healthy young child being robbed from his parents by autism caused by evil vaccines. This was followed by a meager discussion of the dangers of not vaccinating, and one very awkward quote from a local pediatrician and vaccine supporter, but the societal damage that I feel comes from these kinds of reports was already done.<br /><br />The way I found this article was by clicking on the image of a dripping syringe next to the words "Do Childhood Vaccines Do More Harm Than Good?" prominently placed on the home page of the <a href="http://www.nbcactionnews.com/default.aspx">KSHB-TV </a>website. Clearly this was a purposeful attempt at fear mongering to drum up readers. I guess a report titled "Vaccines: They Really Help People and Are Extremely Safe" wouldn't draw too many people in. If these reporters were worth their salt, they would include anecdotes from the parents who didn't lose their children to vaccine preventable illnesses like Haemophilus meningitis or Poliomyelitis, and who were satisfied with their children being vaccinated. There certainly are a heck of a lot more of them out there than the small minority of folks who have drunk the <a href="http://www.theness.com/neurologicablog/?p=308">anti-vaccine kool-aid</a>. But maybe just leaving anecdotes out of health and science reporting alltogether would be best.<br /><br />After reading this report, all that many readers will take home is the sad story about a little boy damaged by vaccines and that vaccines might not be safe for their child. Some of them are the people that don't understand the useless nature of uncontrolled anecdotes or the fallacy of post hoc reasoning, or that are merely looking for powerful stories to support their already deeply held conviction. Some may not even read the entire article or even dismiss the discussion of the benefit of immunizations out of hand. All a conspiracy they'll mutter. It's clear to me that these bullshit pieces of pseudojournalism aren't helping anyone though. They are spreading the contagion of anti-vaccination belief, something which has already led to illness and death that was entirely preventable.<br /><br />The most telling quote comes from the autistic child's mother. She explains that "The timing was too coincidental to ignore and I definitely believe in my heart the vaccinations triggered his autism,". There isn't anything someone like me, or even <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Offit">Paul Offit</a> himself, could ever tell this woman that would convince her otherwise. At least it isn't very likely. And while I don't blame this poor grieving mother for being ill-equipped to critically wrap her brain around her child's diagnosis, I do blame the media for using her situation for the manipulation of readers via another's loss. Her story isn't news and we don't need to know about it. It serves no purpose other than to mislead and confuse.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-26279623745677908572008-09-25T15:30:00.001-05:002008-09-25T15:40:40.501-05:00Magical Australian Fertility Water.....You would think that by now most people would realize that celebrities, regardless of how funny or attractive they may be, are no better equipped to think critically or to arrive at reasonable conclusions than anyone else. If anything, they tend to be less capable than the average person, who likely hasn't spent years surrounded by syncophantic 'yes men'. You would think that, but unfortunately it doesn't appear to be so considering how many people credulously accept whatever bogus claim folks like Oprah or Jenny McCarthy decide to champion as truth.<br /><br />There are two problems regarding celebrity opinion. One is that the media presents such opinion as newsworthy, inflating its legitimacy and confusing it with something akin to expert testimony. The other is that the American public generally expresses interest in what these celebrities have to say about topics that are often far outside the scope of what they can claim expertise in. And even when we know it's bullshit, we still eat up steaming piles of celebrity blather with gusto on a daily basis. Take, for instance, yesterday's revelation in an Associated Press story that Nicole Kidman believes in the existence of <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/09/24/kidman.fertile.water.ap/index.html">magical Australian waterfalls </a>that promote fertility.<br /><br />Kidman welcomed her first child with singer Keith Urban into the world on July 7, 2008. Roughly nine months prior to this occasion she was on location in the Australian Outback filming the soon to be released epic movie <em>Australia. </em>Kidman believes that there has to be more to her pregnancy than the obvious fact that it is intimately related to her having had sex with her husband during ovulation. She is 41 and the pregnancy was unexpected, six other women who swam in the magic waterfalls near Kununurra, a small town in northwestern Australia, during production got pregnant, and of the seven babies only one was a boy. According to the lovely and talented, if not skeptically minded Kidman, "There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now."<br /><br />I'm just a humble skeptic, with no claims of expertise in the epidemiology of fertility, but I am sure that Kidman is not the first somewhat older woman to unexpectedly become pregnant. A quick online search revealed that women at Kidman's age have a 44% chance of becoming pregnant and going on to celebrate a live birth within one year of trying, and 64% will do so within four years. Those numbers aren't great, especially if you are one of the greater than 50% that may be increasingly frustrated with a lack of success, but they aren't bad. Of course, Kidman isn't an epidemiologist or a fertility specialist either. She is a human. An incredibly sexy human. But her preternatural attractiveness doesn't protect her from committing the same errors in thinking that plague us regular folk.<br /><br /><p>In this case, Kidman has fallen prey to one of the most common logical fallacies around, and one which lies at the heart of a variety of mistaken beliefs ranging from psychic powers to claims of effectiveness by proponents of unproven medical treatments. Post hoc reasoning, more formally known as the <em>post hoc ergo propter hoc</em> (after this therefore because of this) fallacy, occurs when a temporal relationship is confused for a causal one. Just because B follows A doesn't mean that A caused B. It could only be a coincidence, or there may be many factors at play with A only serving a minor role in causing B. </p><p>Typically unique experiences benefit from this logical fallacy the most, such as a novel treatment for an illness or a memorable dream of something bad happening. Many herbal supplements and homeopathic remedies achieve word-of-mouth success because they are advertised with claims of treating self-limited maladies like viral illnesses. As I tell my students, you can take [insert OTC supplement] to cure your cold and feel better in a week, or do nothing and feel better in seven days. What personal claims of effectiveness of a treatment, or of getting pregnant after taking a swim, amount to are uncontrolled anecdotes. We don't know what would have happened had Kidman not gone for a swim. It's very likely she would still be celebrating the birth of her daughter, only instead of the magic Australian water she would be praising something else entirely for its fertility boosting effects. Perhaps a new food she ate or a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anjea">mud bath</a>.</p><p>But as it stands right now, it is only a matter of nanoseconds before someone is selling magical Australian fertility water by the bottle, or arranging for fertility boosting baths under the waterfalls. People with too much money, and not enough critical thinking skills, will fly there at great expense to improve the health of their uterus. Somebody is going to get rich off of this, and a lot of desperate women are going to throw good money down the drain. </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-45600072428953053762008-09-23T20:00:00.000-05:002008-09-23T20:02:08.160-05:00Weekly Science and Skepticism Pop Quiz #2.....The European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) announced today that a combination of malfunctioning equipment repairs and high fuel costs have led to the decision to delay collisions at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) until after Winter. Once the green light is given to begin full operation, it is predicted that collisions will replicate the heat, energy and densities that existed just a trillionth of a second after the Big Bang. It is hoped by the scientific community that the LHC will facilitate an understanding of the cosmos beyond the standard model of particle physics and possibly produce miniature black holes or reveal signs of extra dimensions. But what most physicists are drooling over is evidence for the existence of the Higgs Boson, something often referred to as 'the god particle', which is an elementary particles that could account for most of the mass in the universe.<br /><br /><strong>What mysterious entities are unlikely to be revealed within the LHC?</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />A. The ever-elusive chiropractic subluxation, or more specifically the complex of functional and/or structural and/or pathological articular changes that compromise neural integrity and may influence organ system and general health. Despite not actually being proven to exist yet, it is theorized by some experts that the subluxation may account for most of the money in the chiropractor's bank account.<br /><br />B. Water memory. Theorized by homeopathic scientists, who seem to employ reasoning skills diluted beyond measurement, homeopathic remedies are said to be able to benefit from the healing powers of a substance no longer contained within them. A liberal pilfering of scientific terms, like quantum and vibration, has become standard practice for those defending water memory.<br /><br />C. Human energy. This undetectable phenomenon is claimed to be at the bottom of pretty much all medical maladies, and just needs the gentle touch, or non-touch in most instances, of a qualified human energy manipulator to straighten out. Western science, with its pesky and cumbersome methodological naturalism just hasn't been able to isolate this wonderous whatever yet, but perhaps soon the time will come for healing touch and reiki practitioners to put use their ability to do work celebrating.<br /><br />D. Bigfoot. Cryptozoologists have looked everywhere else.<br /><br />E. All of the above<br /><br />Answer: EUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-68104247194458927262008-09-18T20:00:00.000-05:002008-09-18T20:13:36.513-05:00Grizzly Bears Bounce Back From Near Extinction, Find Jobs.....Kalispell, MO-Despite being listed as near extinction for over three decades, and widely considered to be unemployable by a large percentage of Americans, the grizzly bear has may be mounting a suprising comeback according to the results of a $4.8 million, five-year study by the U.S. Geological Survey.<br /><br />"Our preliminary estimate shows approximately 765 bears in northwestern Montana alone," explained lead researcher Katherine Kendall. "There have been some huge investments of time and money towards this recovery, and legislation that restricts hunting and development into grizzly habitats have helped immensely, but a large amount of the credit belongs to the work done to help integrate them into society."<br /><br />5 years ago, ursine social worker Jonel Thaller took on the arduous task of finding jobs and accomodations for hundreds of grizzly bears in Kalispell, which is the closest city to Glacier National Park. Years of strained human-bear relations, and a reputation of having anger management difficulties, have made it exceedingly difficult for these majestic beasts to find employment, especially in densely populated areas. But last year, after fast food giant McDonald's became the first of several eateries to relax their restrictions on hiring bears, things finally began to look up. "It's been a long and difficult road to get where we are today," Thaller revealed. "But finally people are beginning to see that the grizzly bear, if properly medicated and in the presence of armed professionals at all times, can make an positive impact on the service industry."<br /><br />Thaller, who touches base with restaurant managers on a daily basis for updates on her clients, says that the bears have led to big improvements in food quality and customer satisfaction. "Complaints are down, wait times are noticeably shorter, and even former problem human employee are shaping up when grizzlies are allowed to do what they do best, which is interacting with people and food in enclosed spaces." But Thaller points out that their success might not last forever. "All it would take is for one bear to devour a family for this to fall apart."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-38191844768343991602008-09-16T08:00:00.000-05:002008-09-16T08:00:00.672-05:00Study Shows More Americans Getting Medical Information from Shampoo Commercials.....Raleigh, NC-Researchers at North Carolina State University looking into where Americans obtain medical information, announced today that 80% of US adults cite shampoo commercials as their primary source.<br /><br />The findings, based on telephone surveys of over thirty thousand men and women over the age of eighteen, are sending shockwaves through the medical community. "The dramatic rise in the number of adults turning to shampoo commercials to update themselves on chronic medical conditions, disease prevention strategies, and even information on when to seek acute care, is alarming," explained lead investigator Dr. Mort Fishman. "I'd love to be able to learn how to have shiny, lustrous hair, and how to manage Type 2 Diabetes in one convenient place as much as the next physician, but I don't trust patient care to Pert Plus or Garnier Fructis."<br /><br />The shampoo industry, who had received word of the report prior to the official announcement, isn't rolling over. A. G. Lafley, CEO of Procter and Gamble, has already issued a press release attempting to counter some of the statements made by the NCSU researchers regarding the legitimacy of health information acquired from shampoo commercials. "You know, it seems like our information was good enough when Pantene practically wrote the book on the cardiovascular sequelae of atherosclerotic renal disease, or when Clairol Herbal Essences discovered the link between the BRCA1 gene and breast cancer. This is just a bitter bald guy trying to make a name for himself with flimsy evidence and poor reasoning."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979809701385866086.post-84744984177088212152008-09-13T21:00:00.002-05:002008-09-13T21:10:33.874-05:00Zoo's News: Makers of Popular Energy Drink Turn to Infant Formula.....Fuschl am See, Austria-Not satisfied with the inability of regular infant formulas to vitalize the body and mind, Red Bull GmbH, the eponymous producer of an energy drink that is popular with college students and young males around the world has set its sights on infants under a year of age.<br /><br />"We're going to revolutionize the infant formula market with our new Baby Red Bull Extreme," company founder Dietrich Mateschitz explained. "Parents are sick and tired of infant formulas that don't provide vital substances that have been lost by their babies during times of increased mental and physical exertion, while also reducing harmful substances. With Baby Red Bull Extreme energy formula, which comes in both powder and ready to feed varieties, you get both!"<br /><br />But helping young humans to maximize their concentration and reaction speed is only one aspect of Mateschitz's plan. "My goal is for all babies around the world to benefit from our scientific advancements in energy formulas. Every single one. Only then will humanity reach its true potential as shepherds of our Mother Earth!"<br /><br />According to the Baby Red Bull Extreme website, their formulation has been scientifically designed to be as similar to human breast milk as possible, with a few additions that Mateschitz claims add up to more than the sum of their parts. "Sure breast is best, if it's all that is available. Like if you are in some kind of depressing third world country or something like that. But only Baby Red Bull Extreme provides these growing children with the taurine, glucuronolactone, caffeine, acesulfame K and aspartame that their bodies need on a daily basis."<br /><br />Infant nutrition experts have expressed concern regarding the addition of infant energy formulas, like Baby Red Bull Extreme, to a child's diet. Farahilde Obermoser, a pediatric clinical nutritionist at Rot Stier General Hospital in Vienna believes that a diet consisting of a significnat amount of Baby Red Bull Extreme infant energy formula might not be the right choice for some families. "Sure we would all like for our babies to achieve their full genetic potential, and they definitely would on this formula, but not all parents love their children enough to make sure that happens. And not every parent is cool enough."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0